In The Blink of an Eye
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: Federal agents can prepare for a number of things civilians could never prepare for. Even though his days in the field were long behind him. Tony DiNozzo was still armed with the knowledge to survive a number of scenarios. Any shattering tragedy you could imagine. Almost any tragedy that is, but there was one tragedy even the finest federal agent could never prepare for.
1. Chapter 1

Federal agents can prepare for a number of things civilians could never prepare for. Even though his days in the field were long behind him. Tony DiNozzo was still armed with the knowledge to survive a number of scenarios. He was prepared for more than most. He had been through drills for mass power outages, terrorist attacks, nuclear war, germ warfare, pandemics, epidemics. Even small tragedies he was prepared for an agent down to an attack on head quarters. Any shattering tragedy you could imagine. Almost any tragedy that is, but there was one tragedy even the finest federal agent could never prepare for.

It happened in the blink of an eye. Tony had just collected Tali from school. He replied to a text from Jimmy before pulling out of the parking lot. He looked back at Tali as he backed out of his space. She was pale and kind of slumped over in her seat. He didn't think much of it. The flu was bad this year but Tali had gotten sick months ago. She had gotten pretty lucky considering. She remained quiet the entire drive home. Tony turned into the driveway and helped Tali from the car. She was warm, really warm. He rushed her inside and tucked her into bed. He grabbed the thermometer from the medicine cabinet. He returned to find Tali leaning over the bed vomiting. He didn't waste time with taking her temperature. He grabbed her and rushed back out to the car. He buckled her into her car seat and raced towards the hospital.

The emergency room was pretty crowded. Tony was prepared for a wait. He wished that he had called the pediatrician. Tali went completely limp in his arms and then went into a seizure. In one swift move he got her onto the floor and fell to his knees beside her. A crowd had started to form but quickly dispersed when an orderly raced out with a gurney.

Everything happened in a blur. Tali was rushed off. Tony just stood back frozen with tears forming in his eyes. Somebody must have helped him to a seat because when he came to he was sitting on one of the waiting room couches. Jimmy was beside him rubbing his back. He could not remember calling Jimmy but he must have. He doubted that some stranger in the hospital would call Jimmy. Maybe some staff member but everybody in the waiting room was either sick or waiting on news on a sick loved one.

He went to wipe his face and was met with fabric. He was wearing one of those masks they gave you if you had flu symptoms or if you just had a crappy immune system. Unless he had missed more than he thought. He was the latter. They were just at the small emergency room about ten minutes from Tony's place. He doubted anybody besides Jimmy knew his history.

"T...Tali?" Tony stammered.

"They haven't told us anything. Ducky and Gibbs are trying to get more information. Bishop and Abby went for coffee. McGee sends support but he doesn't feel comfortable being at the hospital. The twins are so small and with this flu." Jimmy rambled.

"I understand" Tony whispered.

Eventually their was an update and the news was not good. Bacterial meningitis. The words bounced around Tony's brain and stabbed at his heart. He had trained to be a physical education coach. He had heard lectures on how serious meningitis could be. Serious as in often fatal. He had gotten Tali to the hospital promptly but it did not make much difference. Tali was already very critical. She was too sick to be treated by the small hospital. They did not have time to wait for a ground ambulance in rush hour traffic. A helicopter was radioed.

Tony rode in the helicopter with Tali. He had to keep it together. Staying strong was near impossible but he had to do it for his girl. Thirty minutes later the helicopter touched down at the Children's Hospital over an hour away by car. Jimmy and Gibbs were following by car. Ducky, Abby, and Bishop were following as well but not as closely behind. Gibbs was driving. Under less tragic circumstances Tony would have made a joke about the retired Marine beating the helicopter. On that night all Tony could do was cry and pray.

Upon arrival to the Children's Hospital, Tali was rushed to the PICU. All Tony could do was wander helplessly until they had her set up in the room. He kicked himself with anger when he realized Tali had never received a meningitis vaccine. It had taken months to get her medical records. She was up to date on shots or so he thought. Wait was meningitis one that was on him? He desperately tried to recall the sign advertising the vaccines children needed to enter kindergarten. He tried to remember what he had read in doctor's offices. Had Ziva brushed off meningitis? Or had he dropped the ball? He could never fault Ziva for anything. He was sure it was on him. He was sure that he was the one who had failed his baby girl. He looked down at her bed. She was a shell of the girl she had been that morning. All he could do was pray.

Tali was in excellent hands. She was in the care of gifted and renowned doctors. Working desperately to save her life. Tony could only stand back and watch in awe. Unfortunately even in the hands of the best doctors. Some patients just cannot be saved and tragically Tali was one of those patients. The doctors did all they could but Tali was simply too sick. The ventilator had been breathing for her since arriving to the hospital. Her kidneys had begun to shut down around midnight. One hour later a cat scan revealed extensive brain damage. On that night Tony was forced to make the hardest decision of his entire life. Keep Tali alive on machines and pray for a miracle. Or turn off the machines and let nature take it's course. It was simultaneously the easiest and hardest decision of Tony's life. At two forty five in the morning on Thursday January 18th 2018, Tali DiNozzo died in her father's arms. Her heart monitor let out a high pitched scream. Tony's wails would soon, somehow over power the machine's scream.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony be able to cope with his loss? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	2. Forever Changed

In an instant Tony's life had fallen apart. He had no idea how he was supposed to move forward without his baby girl. He knew Gibbs and a few other people who had lost children. He always wondered how they lived. He wondered how he was supposed to live. How did you move past losing a child? Tali had only been gone a few hours and he was barely hanging on. How was he supposed live the rest of his life like this? He had no idea how he was supposed to live. How could he ever move forward?

Gibbs kept close vigil over Tony. Watching every movement, afraid that if he looked away even for an instant something terrible would happen and Tony would shatter. He worried for his boy. He had lost his baby girl and it had destroyed him. It was years before he came even close to recovery. He was still in hell. The worst thing about knowing the pain of losing a child. Was knowing what the newly bereaved parent would endure. He knew Tony would have more days than not where he did not even want to get out of bed. Now even all these years later, decades later in fact. He still had more like that than not. The worst was yet to come for Tony. All Gibbs could do was pray that his boy was strong enough.

McGee stepped into the nursery. The twins were actually asleep for the first time in over twenty four hours. On any other day he would be tip toeing around quieter than he was at riskiest of stake outs or most hair raising of scenes. Not fearing waking the babies but rather fearing being murdered by Delilah for waking the babies. Today was different. Today Delilah didn't shoot him a death glare for as much as putting his hand on the door handle. She just rolled herself back to bed after a trip to the bathroom. Gibbs had called early in the morning to inform them that Tali was dead. McGee only wanted to be with his children. He could not imagine waking up to a world where one of his children was gone.

Abby and Bishop had spent the night together. Neither party wanted to go home alone. They had left the hospital at the end of visiting hours. When they left things were not looking good and neither was surprised when they got the call. Neither party had any idea how to react or what to say. They were both career woman with no real aspirations of motherhood. Most days it was just their life. Days like today it brought a degree of guilt. It was hard to be happy without a family. When somebody close was mourning for their own.

Ducky listened to Jethro rant. He just kept going on and on about how worried he was for Tony. The doctor wished that he knew what to say. Jethro had endured the loss of a child but even he was helpless. What was anybody else supposed to do or say? Was their even an appropriate reaction?

Jimmy regretted going home. He regretted leaving Tony but Gibbs had insisted. The guilt was strong and strange. He hated himself for leaving Tony when his friend needed him most but he also hated himself for feeling guilty. Gibbs had sent him home to be with his family. He was with his family but wanting to be with Tony. While Tony could care less if he saw any of them again. All Tony wanted was to have his family back.

"You should go back to the hospital. Tori was up late. She won't be awake for a while. Just go be with Tony." Breena insisted.

"Gibbs said not to. Besides Tony should be home by now. With Gibbs actually. Gibbs said Tony would have company when he was ready. Until then just lay low." Jimmy explained.

Tony stumbled through Gibbs' front door. The ride home had been painful. Gibbs did not say a word but kept looking over and reaching out for him. Not that any words would have meant anything. At least Gibbs understood that. The rest of the world wouldn't. Tony was dreading the coming days. Making arrangements and attending services. The constant sympathy. Hearing "Call anytime" or whatever variation the person could string out. When he did call they would either go to voicemail or the person would have an excuse. Tony had been on the other side a couple of times. He knew how it was.

"What now?" Tony asked.

"Go try and get some sleep. Keep the door open. I will check in every hour. I won't wake you unless I think you did something stupid." Gibbs explained.

"You aren't going to ask if I need to talk?" Tony questioned.

"Do you need to talk?" Gibbs asked.

"No" Tony lied.

"I will be up later." Gibbs replied.

Tony stared up at the ceiling in Gibbs' guest room. So this was losing a child? He was utterly miserable and there was no relief in sight. Gibbs had lost Kelly and he was still miserable all the time. Not exactly a promising outlook for Tony's situation. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. All he could see was Tali in her final hours. How had he not noticed sooner? Could he have done anything if he had?

It was afternoon and Tori was still sleeping. Breena had rushed off to help her father with something. Leaving Jimmy alone with Tori. The past day had been a walk through hell and Jimmy had lost any sense of time. Until Breena returned around three.

"Is Tori napping or playing?" Breena asked.

"She hasn't woken up yet." Jimmy replied.

"She hasn't?" Breena replied.

"It's still early. You said to let her sleep. I was going to get her up when you got back." Jimmy explained.

"Jimmy it's three o'clock." Breena said.

Jimmy and Breena ran upstairs and flung Tori's door open. She was lying on the bed just the same as she had when Jimmy checked before Breena left. He raced over to her side trying to rationalize. Maybe she was just tied. She was breathing but barely. She was burning up.

"Call 911! Tell them she was exposed to bacterial meningitis!" Jimmy insisted.

* * *

 **A/N: Is Tori infected too? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	3. Grief

Tony never thought he would be planning his daughter's funeral, but here he was. Sitting in the funeral director's office. He had planned the funeral for three days later. The obituary would run the next two days. He just wanted everything to be over. He wanted it to be over but he also wanted to hang on. He was not ready to say goodbye. Then again how could he ever be?

Tori Palmer was seriously ill. Jimmy and Breena's worst fears had been confirmed. Their only child was suffering from bacterial meningitis. She had contracted it from Tali DiNozzo. It was a horrible feeling. They were facing the loss of their child. All because one of Jimmy's best friend's had lost his child to the same disease. Tony had no ill intent. He did not even know Tali was sick the last time the girls played together. The morning before she died.

"She's still critical. No real change." Jimmy said.

"Prognosis still the same?" Breena asked.

"They don't know but they want us to prepare ourselves." Jimmy confirmed.

Tony had arranged for Tali to be buried in her favorite dress. He made sure that they played her favorite music. He had called everybody he thought should know with the official information. Parents had asked if they should bring their children. The only thing Tony thought to say was "If they can handle it." That was the best answer. If the children could handle the funeral bring them. If they could not leave them home.

"Did you make the calls?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah" Tony replied.

"I'm sorry." Gibbs apologized.

"How the hell do I move on from here?" Tony asked.

"You remember that she would want you to be strong." Gibbs replied.

Gibbs ached for his boy. He knew that pain all too well. It killed him to see his child to be through that same pain. What was worse was knowing that there were more victims of this tragedy. Tori Palmer was fighting for her life and so were three of Tori's classmates. Four of Tali's classmates had become infected through contact with her. One boy had died the morning before. The boy had a heart condition or some other existing medical condition. He did not have a chance. Tony did not know that any other children had become sick and that's how Gibbs wanted it. At least until Tony had calmed down a little.

McGee felt terrible, utterly emotionally drained. He felt awful for not being glad he did not go to the hospital. He knew he had done it to protect the twins and Delilah. Especially now that they knew that Tali's illness was highly contagious. Besides that the flu was rampant. Delilah had gotten her flu shot but they were not one hundred percent effective. With her being a paraplegic she was extra vulnerable. The twins were extremely vulnerable. They did not have any shots yet. Then again McGee was not one hundred percent sure the vaccine they would receive was effective against Tali's strain. He was still new to this parenting stuff. Fresh guilt washed over him. He should be more grateful that he could still be a father.

Abby tried to call Gibbs for the umpteenth time. She wondered why he was not answering his phone. Was Tony really that bad off? She wished that she could come over but Gibbs had said not to come. No visitors until Tony was ready. Was that really what Tony wanted? Or was it what Gibbs wanted?

Bishop mentally ordered Abby to hang up the phone. She wished that Abby would understand that Gibbs was just looking out for Tony. He was not being mean. He was trying to keep Tony from becoming overwhelmed and breaking down further. She knew Abby was just trying to be nice but it was more annoying and careless than nice.

"Abby hang, up!" Bishop hissed.

"I want to talk to Tony." Abby replied.

"Tony does not want to talk." Bishop insisted.

"How do you know?" Abby questioned.

"You remember what Gibbs said. Tony is falling apart. He just wants to be alone. At least for now. He will come around soon." Bishop explained.

"Well why won't Gibbs talk to me?" Abby questioned.

"Because Tony needs him more. Come on let's get some lunch. I am starving." Bishop insisted.

Tony pulled himself up off the bathroom floor. He felt sick to his stomach. He had thrown up ten times since Tali died. He could not eat, he could barely drink. He was miserable. He wished that he was dying too but according to the doctors he was fine. "Fine" that was a huge lie. He was in hell. He had lost his child. His only child. His last link to Ziva. He was never going to be fine again. He did not care what anybody said. He was never going to recover.

Tori started to get worse in the late evening. Jimmy knew that any hope was fading. Breena was trying to deny it. She did not have the training that Jimmy had. She did not know the cruel reality. Jimmy was trying to be strong but it grew harder by the minute. Unlike Tony, he could always have more children with Breena. That made no difference. No matter how many children he had. None could replace Tori. He hated that it was happening this way.

"She's not going to get better is she?" Breena asked.

"I don't think so. If she does. She is going to have life long problems." Jimmy explained.

"Which would be better?" Breena asked.

"Give how high her fever is and how long it has lasted. The level of brain damage. It may be better to let her go." Jimmy explained.

"When will we know?" Breena asked.

"They are running more tests in the morning. If she makes it that long." Jimmy explained.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Tony react when he finds out about Tori and Tali's classmates? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	4. Heartbreak

Tony had no idea how he was supposed to carry on. Gibbs had said and proved that it could happen eventually. Jethro had said would but Tony understood could. He did not think he could move on. He was not strong enough to move on. He just was not. He wished he were stronger. He wished that he could die.

"I want to die." Tony sobbed.

"I know you do." Gibbs replied.

"No you don't you did not die. You were strong. I am not." Tony sobbed.

"Tony I felt the same way in those first days, first years really." Jethro reminded.

"I am not as strong as you." Tony insisted.

"Tony" Jethro whispered.

"Not strong enough." Tony sobbed.

"Nothing more can be done." "Hope is gone." "You can always pray but you may not get the answer you want. I am sorry." Those were the words the Palmer's woke up to. Tori deteriorated further through the night. To the point where she just was not strong enough. She was too weak to go down for her MRI but she was not responding to any stimuli. They were not ready to turn off the machines but knew that the time was coming. They called their closest friends to say goodbye.

"I can't believe this is happening." Jimmy sobbed.

"I know" Breena replied.

"I am not ready." Jimmy sniffed.

"How long do you think it will be?" Breena asked.

"Could be minutes could be hours but I don't see her lasting to evening." Jimmy replied.

"Are you sure there is nothing more they can do?" Breena asked.

"There is more they can do but she is weak. Too weak for treatment." Jimmy explained.

"It's not fair." Breena sobbed.

"I know" Jimmy agreed.

Tony managed to barely keep a bowl of plain broth down. Gibbs insisted that he start eating. He choked down the soup. He tried a couple of crackers but could not manage to choke the dried squares down. He spit them onto the floor. Gibbs did not say a word. He just cleaned the mess. Tony tossed down the ceramic bowl, causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces onto the floor. Again Gibbs did not say a word. Though Tony was fairly certain he had cut his former boss that time. Before Gibbs could finish cleaning either mess Tony ran from the kitchen. He flew upstairs and tore into the guest room. He dove onto the bed. He was gasping for air and dry heaving. He felt miserable. He could not catch his breath, he could not vomit, he could not even cry. He just lay on the bed gasping, heaving, and wailing.

"Help me. Help me." Tony gasped.

Jethro swept the glass and spit out crackers off the floor, into a dust pan. He then dumped the pan into the trashcan. This was not the Tony he knew an loved. This was the Tony who was broken by the death of his only child. Jethro knew they would never get the old Tony back. In the current moment he was not sure what would be come of Tony. He told Tony he would recover. In truth he could not make that promise. He could not promise that Tony would be able to carry on with this much grief, and that broke his heart.

Victoria Elizabeth Palmer died around two in the afternoon. Less than forty eight hours after Tali DiNozzo. Just two days but they felt like an eternity. Jimmy had gone from mourning for his friend's daughter and worrying for his friend. To mourning for his own and worrying for himself. He needed to be strong for Breena and for Tony but he was not strong. He tried and failed to be brave. He broke down in the elevator. Breena took him into her arms. Breena had not stopped crying since their only daughter left.

"What do we do now?" Breena asked.

"I don't know." Jimmy replied.

"Why did this have to happen to us?" Breena questioned.

"I don't know." Jimmy replied, it seemed to be all he could say anymore.

Jethro's heart dropped when he got the news. Two of his closest friends had lost their little girls. Two friends going through one of the greatest tragedies. Two friends he desperately wanted to help but likely could not. His heart broke for Jimmy and for Tony. He hated that things had happened this way. He hated how much hurt there was in this world. He hated most of all when it fell for the ones he cared most about.

"Tell Jimmy and Breena I am there any time." Jethro said speaking for the first time since Ducky broke the news.

"They know. How is Anthony?" Ducky asked.

"Bad" Jethro wheezed.

"Should I come over?" Ducky asked.

"Stay with the Palmer's. Tony still just wants to be left alone." Jethro replied.

"Very well. I will call you later." Ducky replied.

"I am going to check on Tony." Jethro replied.

Tony heaved and sobbed, heaved and sobbed. He wished that he would just throw up already. He knew that he needed to. He was sweating profusely and his stomach was churning like crazy. He gagged and spat but only hot spit came out. He groaned and gagged, groaned and gagged. He felt dizzy, his heart was racing. He fell from the bed to the floor, the world spinning a million miles around his head. Bile finally began to raise in his throat. He used the last of his strength to turn over and pull himself up off the floor. He heaved and puked all over the guest room floor, before collapsing into his own vomit. His head throbbing and his heart breaking. He had never collapsed into his own sick before. Not even after the most wild of frat parties, but this was not a party. This was his own personal hell.

"HELP ME! HELP ME!" Tony cried.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Tony take the news about Tori? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	5. Falling

From downstairs Jethro could hear Tony's entire meltdown. At first he just ignored it. This was all part of the process. Tony needed to lash out and as long as another living soul was not on the receiving end of the rage. Jethro did not intervene. Until he heard Tony throw himself onto the floor above and begin screaming for help. Fearing that his boy had done something stupid. Jethro raced up the stairs two at a time and flung open the door to the guest room. Tony was unharmed at least seemingly; throwing himself down and screaming for help. Jethro got closer and saw how red Tony's face was and the look of sheer panic. Summoning all the strength he had. Jethro grabbed Tony and drug him downstairs. He dropped Tony into the car and threw the seat-belt over his friend, but left himself unbuckled. He drove at break neck speed to the hospital.

Ed Slater never dreamed he would be planning his own granddaughter's funeral. Here he was. Sitting in his office. Jimmy sat across from him. Breena was balled up on the couch sobbing her eyes out. Ed was at his desk trying to keep his composure. This was family but he still had to maintain a degree of professionalism.

"When do you want the service?" Ed asked.

"Tali's service is the day after tomorrow. I don't want them to be the same day but I want it to be over with." Jimmy explained..

"Breena? Any input?" Ed asked.

"I don't care." Breena replied weakly.

"I guess two days from now." Jimmy sighed.

"Three o'clock OK?" Ed asked.

"It's fine." Jimmy sighed.

"I don't care." Breena insisted.

Nothing was physically wrong with Tony. That was the good news anyway. He was sent home and Jethro was given strict orders to watch him. Which Jethro had been doing already. Now however he had to worry about leaving Tony alone. He had to check in more and he could no longer just ignore Tony's episodes of pain. He had to be there constantly, spending the coming days making sure that Tony did not harm himself. He wanted Tony alive more than anything but he could not help but wonder if that was the right thing to do. Tony had just endured the worst loss a human could endure. Was it really fair to force him to live?

Tori's service was arranged, Breena was upstairs crying. Jimmy was wandering around the house completely empty. He was trying not cry. Not that it mattered anymore. Breena was too hysterical to notice anything he did. He did not need to be strong anymore. At least not until the funeral. He tripped over one of Tori's toys. Some big expensive thing that all the kids had to have. She had promised to keep it picked up. He started to scream. He was midway through calling out her name when he remembered. She was gone. She was really, truly gone. With a heavy heart he collapsed to the floor, tears pouring down his cheeks. This was not how he wanted his life to go. He wanted his baby girl back. He wanted Breena to be happy again. He hated meningitis. He hated it even more when he remembered that Tali DiNozzo was gone too.

Tony was back in Gibbs' guest bedroom, back to staring up at the ceiling. Back to wondering how the hell he was supposed to move on. The only thing keeping him from blowing his brains out was Gibbs. Between the fact that anything even remotely weapon like was gone, and the fact that Gibbs had not committed suicide. Tony was not going anywhere. At least not as long as Gibbs was around. So he did the only thing he could. Lie up on that bed, watching the ceiling. The way the shadows passed as the earth moved. The way it grew darker and darker until night had fallen. Gibbs brought a tray up, two trays actually. Gibbs never left for more than a minute. He rarely made himself known but he almost never left at the same time. He picked at his meal but most of it ended up in the trash can.

"You will need to eat tomorrow. You did better than I did the third night." Jethro explained.

"OK" Tony replied not caring about anything Jethro was saying, anything that was going on in the world besides his own agony.

Jimmy carried Breena's still full tray away from their room. She had not eaten since Tori was admitted. He wanted to be concerned but he was eating only enough to keep his blood sugar stable. He thew the entire tray down onto the kitchen floor. He would deal with the mess later. In the meantime he stumbled into the living room and collapsed onto the floor. If this was life without his child. He did not know nor did he want to know how he was supposed to survive. Because in that moment he did not want to survive.

Jethro watched Tony sleep, closely monitoring every breath. Tony was asleep but it was a fitful sleep. He tossed and turned. Every so often he would cry out. It absolutely broke Jethro's heart that his friend had to endure this level of pain. What was worse. This was the one pain he would not want to take. He had already lost one child. He could not lose another. So he did the only thing he could do. Hold Tony close and pray that he kept on fighting.

"I love you, son." Gibbs whispered.

Tony woke from a night terror. His heart raced as he jerked from his sleep and searched frantically around the room. He quickly recognized it as Gibbs' guest room. He fell hard onto the pillow gasping for air and crying out. In his dream he had relived Tali's death all over again. The only difference was that he could not get to her. He could not hold her as she died. He could only watch her waste away and die. Never in his life was he more grateful to wake up.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony or Jimmy begin to open up more? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	6. Funeral

Tali's funeral was absolutely awful. It was a beautiful service but it was also the most horrifically painful experience of Tony's life. Her funeral was worse than her death. This was actually the end. Tali was going to be buried, after this he would never see her again. The thought was absolutely nauseating and it was not even the worst part. The worst part was the pain that circled the funeral, seeing all of his friends in pain and being completely helpless.

Tony fumbled with the buttons on his suit. A man who once spent a hours making sure his suit was immaculate and took up to five minutes to make sure the buttons were perfect. Today had barely been able to pull himself into a wrinkled suit. He missed buttons and had others in the complete wrong hole. His shoes were untied and he wasn't even sure if they matched. His hair was a mess and after his fourth vomiting episode he gave up on brushing his teeth. Gibbs ended up buttoning his suit, tying his shoes, and brushing his hair. It made Tony feel like an infant. Which was appropriate because he had the strength of an infant. He took two steps, before collapsing. Gibbs lifted him and carried him to the car.

"I brought breath mints." Gibbs whispered as Tony vomited for the fifth time, this time on the side of the road.

"Th...Than...An...Ks...Ss" Tony stammered mid heave.

Gibbs watched his boy get sick. The former Marine's heart shattered as Tony sobbed and violently ripped at his hair. Tony was taking Tali's loss hard. As if anybody had ever taken the loss of a child easily. This however was terrifying even for a man who had lost his own child. It would only get worse from there.

"I wanna die! I wanna die!" Tony sobbed as Gibbs helped him back to his seat.

McGee insisted on wheeling Delilah into Tali's funeral. She was more than capable of pushing her own chair. It was McGee who could not walk. He leaned on her chair to support himself. He felt his feet dragging, he was completely zapped of strength. The night before he went to Gibbs' house to drop off a casserole Delilah had made. Gibbs wouldn't let him in but McGee saw Tony on the couch. Head hung low, clothes a mess, a phony laugh at a missed joke on whatever show Tony had on. The pain was overwhelming. It nearly knocked McGee to the ground when Gibbs opened the door. McGee saw Tony in the front row. Gibbs was holding him up. Tony was sobbing and screaming for Tali. That's all it took for McGee to breakdown.

Abby took a seat next to the McGee's. Delilah grabbed her and kind of forced her into the middle row. She wished that everybody could sit together but knew better than to argue. They were family but Tony could not function and Gibbs was his voice, and Gibbs said no.

Bishop studied the dates on Tali's memorial card. Four years was nowhere near enough for anybody. Bishop barely knew her but Tali was a great kid. Tony sure loved her. He always talked about how much he reminded her of Ziva. Bishop knew how much Ziva meant to Tony. Tali was her mini me and Tony's saving grace. Now she was gone. Where was the justice?

Breena could not come to the funeral, she could not even get out of bed. Jimmy did not fault her. The next day they would be burying their own child. Today he was watching his best friend bury his. The preacher was droning on and on about how short lives and the promise of heaven. Jimmy could only hear every third word. The sound of Tony's sobs drowned out the words of the preacher. In the middle of Amazing Grace, Tony rose from his seat and bolted from the sanctuary. Gibbs followed close behind. Jimmy stood and followed after the two older men. Tony fell onto the floor of the men's room and began to heave over the toilet. Gibbs knelt down beside him and rubbed his back with his fist.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jimmy asked.

"Bring me towels, he got sick all over his suit." Gibbs whispered.

"On it" Jimmy replied.

Immediately after the funeral, Tali was buried at Slater's cemetery. Jewish tradition dictated a body be buried within twenty four hours. It was nearly four days later and Tali's service had been Catholic. Tony could not think when he was arranging the service or maybe Gibbs had arranged it according to Tony's beliefs. He could barely remember his own name, let alone arranging his daughter's funeral.

Tony would have no real memory of Tali's funeral. Not that his daughter's funeral was a prime occasion to make memories. He would just as soon forget that day and that's what he did. Even without memory of the day. He knew it was the worst of his life. He did not remember the actual event but he did remember the pain. The horrible, horrible, unbearable pain.

Jimmy returned home from Tali's funeral. Never in his life had he dreaded returning home more. The funeral had been horrible but still better than home. Home was filled with memories of his own lost child. Tori's toys were still everywhere. He doubted that he would ever pick them up. When he left Breena had been lying on the bathroom floor sick as a dog and miserable. He returned home to her lying in a puddle of her own sick crying and too weak to move.

Jimmy was hit with instant dread. Could it be happening again? Could Breena have caught Tali and Tori's meningitis. Four nights of no sleep, three days of tears had robbed Jimmy of any medical knowledge. He could barely remember the way home from the church. Much less the incubation period of bacterial meningitis. He scooped Breena up and rushed her to the hospital, hoping and praying that he was wrong.

* * *

 **A/N: Did Breena catch meningitis or is facing a different diagnosis? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	7. Fear

Tony went to bed as soon as they returned from Tali's funeral. Gibbs knew that sooner rather than later he was going to have to bring Tony back to the real world. They were going to have to start venturing out. Start out small just getting Tony beyond the guest room and the living room. Work their way outside and around the neighborhood. Then beyond the neighborhood. The last thing Gibbs wanted was for Tony to forget how to live. Today however he was so mentally exhausted. He wanted to collapse but he had to keep Tony sustained. Make sure he at least drank water. Just something to keep him going. He put lunch on even though he knew it would most likely end up in the trash. He fell onto the couch and switched on the TV. He was starting to fall asleep when he heard his phone buzz. Jimmy was hysterical on the other end. A shudder went down his spine. He recalled Jimmy being hysterical, when he learned that Tali was sick.

"Hello?"

"Gibbs I know you're with Tony but Breena is sick! I don't know what's wrong! I'm taking her to the hospital!"

"Which one?"

"Just the local urgent care! They can call 911 I guess."

"Is Ducky coming?"

"He's meeting us there!"

"Alright I really can't leave Tony and I don't want to drag him to a hospital. Call me if you have to transfer and I will figure something out."

"OK"

Breena kept insisting she did not need to go to the hospital, but Jimmy was not taking that chance. They had brushed off Tori's symptoms and look how that had turned out. Legally the hospital could not treat Breena if she did refuse treatment. Thankfully she had come around by the time they arrived to the hospital. She changed her mind again once they were in an exam room but this time Jimmy had an easier time talking her around.

"I know you want to go but we are already here and the doctor will be in any minute." Jimmy reminded.

"There were so many people in the waiting room though." Breena commented.

"We are already checked in. By the time we got discharged we may as well just see the doctor." Jimmy reminded.

"Can't we just go?" Breena asked.

"Technically we could but given it is documented you are a bereaved mother. They would probably classify you as an at risk escapee and have to shut down the whole urgent care." Breena explained.

"They wouldn't do that. Would they?" Breena gasped.

"Probably not that extreme but there is a whole procedure for if a patient goes missing." Jimmy explained.

Jimmy was in the middle of explaining procedure for an AWOL patient when the doctor arrived. He had never been more grateful to see a medical professional. There wasn't really any easy way to turn back now.

Jimmy waited while the doctor preformed the standard exam but had to leave when they did the blood draw. He did blood draws all the time and had seen things ten times worse than a needle prick, but seeing the doctor draw blood brought back horrible memories of that day. He paced around the waiting area with Ducky by his side. He wished he could be in there with Breena, but he just couldn't.

"Hey Ducky?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes" Ducky replied.

"Is it normal to suddenly not be able to deal with blood and stuff?" Jimmy asked.

"What do you mean?" Ducky questioned.

"Like when they were doing the blood draw on Breena. I...I just couldn't. I had to leave." Jimmy explained.

"When did this start?" Ducky asked.

"After Tori died." Jimmy replied.

"Yes" Ducky replied.

"What?" Jimmy asked.

"What you are experiencing is very, very normal." Ducky assured.

Tony woke up in a cold sweat. Another day another nightmare. Sleep was becoming pointless. Thanks t the nightmares he never rested. He only slept because there was nothing better to do to occupy his day. He heard the doorbell ring downstairs. Another casserole being dropped off by a well meaning friend. It was a nice gesture but to Tony it seemed ridiculous. Maybe for a house full of visiting mourners, but not to Gibbs' house. Tony could barely keep water down let alone some heavy casserole. There was Gibbs but his diet pretty much, exclusively consisted of red meat, Chinese food, coffee, and liquor. So much food going to waste, because for some reason that was supposed to make things better.

Dread rose to Jimmy's chest. They had the results of Breena's tests. The testing was over no more blood draws or specimen samples, but the fear was still there. Jimmy was haunted by the memories of returning to Tori's room after each test. How she looked worse and worse, and how the news got worse and worse. His greatest fear was that he would lose Breena too. The doctor had pretty much ruled out meningitis. She would have surely contracted it by now if she was going to contract it and besides the symptoms were different aside from the gastrointestinal issues Breena was fine.

After walking what felt like a million miles he finally made it to her room. He opened the door and slowly made his way inside. He spotted Breena sitting on the exam table. She still looked pale and weak. Tears were streaming down her cheeks but there was also a huge smile face. The doctor was gone. Wasn't he supposed to be present? Didn't he say the results were in? Shouldn't he be there to give aforementioned results?

"Breena?" Jimmy called.

"Jimmy" Breena gasped.

"Where's the doctor?" Jimmy asked.

"He had to get to the next patient." Breena replied.

"But the results" Jimmy stammered.

"I have them." Breena replied voice cracking.

"What's the diagnosis?" Jimmy asked.

"Jimmy. I...I am pregnant." Breena announced.

* * *

 **A/N: Finally some good news? How will the Palmer's cope though? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	8. Seven Days

A full week had passed since the worst day of Tony's life. Seven whole days had passed since Tali died. Tony had no idea how he was even still breathing. Gibbs was supportive but had begun trying to drag Tony back into the world. He had invited Ducky over to dinner that night. That was the start. Of all the people from Tony's inner circle. Ducky was the safest choice. Least likely to say something stupid or get over emotional. Tony had dropped about twenty pounds in that week. Not eating much and vomiting what he did eat. It wasn't the good kind of weight loss. He didn't look fit and trim. He looked gaunt and weak. He was weak. He doubted he would be anything close to his former self again.

"Ducky is coming over in twenty minutes." Gibbs announced.

"I guess I should change." Tony sighed.

"For tonight you can just stay in your pajamas but next time you need to get dressed." Gibbs replied.

"Next time?" Tony asked.

"You can't stay like this forever." Gibbs reminded.

"You did!" Tony snapped.

There was a different energy at the Palmer house. Jimmy and Breena had not told a soul about their pregnancy. It was still early but then again they had found about Tori around the same time and told everybody right away. This baby just did not have the same enthusiasm. They were ecstatic about the new blessing but there was a cloud of heartache. They were still mourning their firstborn, a daughter who would never meet her sibling. They wanted this baby desperately but at the same time they wished they were not pregnant just yet.

Tony managed to change out of his pajamas. He slipped into a pair of sweat pants and an over sized OSU t shirt he typically only wore for sleeping. Technically he was still wearing pajamas but at least this pair was clean. He splashed water on his face and gasped for air. He stumbled downstairs and collapsed onto the couch. There was a knock on the door. Gibbs emerged from the basement and ushered his friend inside.

"Hello Anthony, how are you holding up?" Ducky asked.

"Fine" Tony muttered.

"Abigail was saying she wants to see you. Would you be open to that?" Ducky asked.

"I dunno" Tony shrugged.

"How is he?" Ducky asked Gibbs in a whisper.

"Better than I was at that point but that isn't saying much." Gibbs replied.

"You were in a coma!" Tony snapped making it clear he heard their conversation.

"After I woke up." Gibbs clarified.

Dinner was largely silent and extremely awkward. Gibbs had prepared a large pot of chicken soup. Nothing like the meals Gibbs typically made. It was bland and had more vegetables than meat. Tony at what he could but still over half the bowl remained. Ducky and Gibbs ate and talked at him. He had no idea what they were saying. He responded with nods and weak mumbles of yes or no.

"May I be excused?" Tony managed to ask.

"Can't you eat a little more?" Gibbs asked.

"I am two seconds away from puking." Tony replied.

Tony abandoned the table and rushed up to the bathroom. He hunched over the toilet and heaved. He must have heaved for twenty minutes but nothing came out. He became dizzy and ended up passing out on the tile floor. By the time he came too it was totally dark outside. He pulled himself up no longer feeling sick. He used the bathroom and the headed back downstairs.

"Feeling better?" Gibbs asked.

"I didn't puke" Tony replied.

"That's good" Gibbs replied.

"Yeah" Tony sighed.

"I have an appointment tomorrow at three. So McGee is going to come sit with you." Gibbs explained.

"Sit with me? What am I an infant?" Tony demanded.

"You are depressed. I am not leaving you alone." Gibbs replied.

"Whatever" Tony scoffed.

Upstairs in his room Tony's mind drifted to Tali. He was already forgetting her. He struggled to remember the exact way her hair felt between his fingers and the exact sound of her laugh. She had only been gone a week but it may as well have been a life time.

He ended up being grateful for the sleep he got on the bathroom floor because it became a night of tossing and turning. Afraid to close his eyes and see the only clear memory he had left of Tali. Seeing her final moments. At some point he must have fallen into a fitful sleep. He woke at some point in the afternoon. Dragging himself first to the bathroom and then downstairs. McGee was sitting on the couch. Tony swallowed hard when he saw two baby carriers. Morgan was sleeping in her carrier but John was resting on McGee's lap chugging a bottle.

"I'm sorry I forgot Delilah had jury duty." McGee apologized.

"Whatever" Tony sighed.

"Can you do me a favor and hold John? I've had to pee for twenty minutes but he's at the needing to be held constantly stage." McGee explained.

"Whatever" Tony sighed.

McGee gently placed his son in Tony's arms and then made a desperate dash for the bathroom. Tony cradled the infant in his arms. It had been so long since Tony held a baby. Probably Tori Palmer maybe his frat brother Jim's grandson. He couldn't remember but it felt good. John cooed, Tony made tickling motions and the baby reached for his finger. It was a natural thing babies did but it felt good. For the first time since Tali died, Tony felt semi human and it felt good.

"He likes you." McGee commented.

"Does he?" Tony asked.

"He cries when anybody other than me and Delilah hold him." McGee insisted.

"I missed Tali's baby stage. Now I am going to miss her life. I guess I should be glad I got the time I had with her." Tony explained.

"You don't have to be OK." McGee assured.

"Good because I am not." Tony admitted.

* * *

 **A/N: More about the Palmer's in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	9. Changes

" _WHTHUMP" "WHTHUMP" "WHTHUMP"_ The sound of the newest Palmer's heartbeat filled the examination room. Breena had made it to twenty weeks, everything was going great. Today was the big day, the day they would learn their baby's gender. They had opted to keep it a surprise with Tori. Not finding out until the day she was born. That was their plan for any other pregnancy they may go through. Then everything got flipped upside down when Tori died days before they found out they were expecting again. After losing their daughter to meningitis. Only to find out the day before her funeral they were expecting another. A baby their daughter would never meet. Having to know their children would never be on Earth together. They'd never fight over toys or play in the yard. This baby and any other children they may have would have to go to a grave side to see his or her sister. Their daughter was dead and as much as they loved having a baby girl. As much as they loved all the girly clothes and toys Tori had left behind. They were hoping for a boy. They could have a girl later on through birth or adoption, but so close to losing Tori. So close they wanted a boy. A boy who they would not expect to be Tori. A boy would be a fresh start and a fresh start was just what they needed right about now.

"OK well everything looks great." Dr. Curtis announced.

"Excellent to hear." Jimmy replied.

"We are relieved." Breena added.

"Now are you sure you want to find out the sex?" Dr. Curtis asked.

"Yes" Jimmy replied.

"We're sure" Breena added.

"Before I tell you what are you hoping for?" Dr. Curtis asked.

"Boy" Jimmy replied.

"Boy" Breena confirmed.

"Well I have some wonderful news for you. You are having a perfect and healthy baby boy." Dr. Curtis announced.

It was a beautiful summer day. Tony should be sitting on a park bench watching Tali run around with new friends and old. Instead he was hunched over in Gibbs' basement. A can of beer in his hand. Gibbs was building a crib for the new Palmer baby. Tony was sick with jealousy, angry at himself for being jealous of the Palmer's. They had lost a child too. The difference was that they were having another baby. A beautiful rainbow baby. Tony was single and alone. He just did not see himself getting his rainbow. He saw himself dying alone like Gibbs.

"Jimmy and Breena are supposed to learn their baby's gender today." Gibbs commented.

"Good for them." Tony sighed.

"Are you happy for them? I mean really? It's OK not to be." Gibbs questioned.

"I know I should be but I can't. Tony admitted.

"Why?" Gibbs asked.

"Because they are getting a rainbow baby. They have each other and can grow their family. Me I...I just don't have anybody." Tony explained.

"You can have another baby. If you want to." Gibbs offered.

"No... No I can't." Tony argued.

"Why not?" Gibbs asked.

"Because I only love Ziva." Tony sighed.

"You don't have to have biological children or even go through adoption to have children." Gibbs explained.

"I don't? But how?" Tony asked.

"Well you are great with the McGee twins and Abby's little nephew just adores you." Gibbs commented.

"I always wanted a family. Kills me I never got a traditional one." Tony sighed.

"There's no such thing as a traditional family, DiNozzo. Never was." Gibbs insisted.

Jimmy and Breena returned home full of joy yet with heavy hearts. They had learned the sex of their baby but were not sure they wanted to tell the world yet. Of course they would tell Ed and Ducky, but they liked the idea of a big surprise. They liked the idea of waiting and breaking the news the day the baby was born. They had only told four or five people outside of Breena's family they were expecting anyway. It's not like they would have a ton of people trying to squeeze the answer out of them.

This pregnancy was strange. With Tori they told the world right away. With this baby they just did not get the same joy out of telling people. Some said it was normal. That the second child was not as exciting as the first. Others thought this was their first and they were just being cautious. What nobody knew was that they were mourning Tori. They were excited but the excitement was hard. Excitement wasn't impossible. Just hard.

Of course in the back of their minds was another fear. The fear that they would lose their son as they had Tori. They knew the odds of another child contracting meningitis were slim. Especially given this time they would not be so lackadaisical about the meningitis vaccine. With Tori they were worried about giving too many shots and opted out of the unnecessary ones. Of course they made sure she got the polio, smallpox, and MMR vaccines but opted to forgo meningitis and chicken pox. Of course nothing was one hundred percent effective and if it weren't meningitis it could be a million other things. Cancer, allergic reaction, car accident, fire, plane crash, war, anything could happen. "Anything" did happen every day to families around the world. Anything had happened to them and their greatest fear was anything happening again.

"What if we lose him too?" Breena asked.

"We won't." Jimmy assured.

"But what if we do?" Breena asked.

"We will get through it together." Jimmy promised.

It was that promise that Breena held onto. That night they clung to each other and wept. It was a happy day but also a sad one. These feelings were not new and they were not going to go away anytime soon. All they could do was hang on to each other and do their best to survive for their precious little Nicholas Victor.

* * *

 **A/N: At least the Palmer's finally got some good news. Will Tony take Gibbs' words to heart? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	10. After

From his seat in the front pew of Saints United Catholic Church, Tony watched the minister take the wriggling baby boy into his arms. Slowly he rises and joins his friends at the font. Today was his first day in a church since her funeral. Behind him he hears the McGee twins babble and giggle. McGee desperately tries to hush the toddlers while Delilah shifts herself in her wheelchair. Three days and she will deliver their third child via C-Section. As soon as she is recovered McGee will go in for a vasectomy. Behind them Abby and Bishop silently pray, Ducky wipes away a tear and Gibbs sits perfectly still.

"Edward Victor Palmer, I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." Father Barrett declared as he sprinkled water on the forehead of the Palmer's four month old son.

Thirteen months had passed since Tali and Tori died, four months prior the Palmer's had welcomed their son. Eddie was strong and healthy. He bore similarities to his sister but favored Jimmy. Where as Tori took more after Breena.

The one year anniversary was hard on Tony. He pretty much just stayed in bed all day. The new year was strange. She had been gone a year. The firsts had long since past. Now it was just another year with his daughter gone. He had moved out of Gibbs' place after four months. Right around that time Jimmy got shot in the leg at a crime scene. He ended up being OK but required a few surgeries and a few months of rehab. Tony ended up moving in with the Palmer's and helping Breena out around the house. Once Jimmy was cleared by the doctors Tony found a small apartment not far from where he lived with Tali. Just one bedroom but that's all he needed.

Pregnancy had been hard on Breena and recovery had been hard on Jimmy. Both managed to come through well. Jimmy still had a limp and required a cane for distances. Due to his new disability going to crime scenes wasn't in his best interest anymore. While in recovery he went to work for Slater's. He still visited NCIS regularly and had once been called in for a consult but he was happy to have some stability.

Another challenging day for Tony came fourteen years after Tali's death. The day his daughter would have graduated high school. Soon after his daughter's death he gave up the dream of going to that particular graduation. It was a shock to be in the bleachers that day but one of his former foster children was graduating from the same school and had insisted he come. Two years after Tali's death Tony gave up on ever having another biological child. Right around that time both the McGee's and Palmer's signed up to be foster parents. Tony figured he may as well join his friends. He had probably fifty kids over sixteen years. In most cases he had the children one to six months but he'd had a few for several years. The shortest stays were overnight and miserable for both Tony and the children. He got a handful or babies but mainly took in teenagers.

Of all those children one became an adoption. A boy who came to Tony at four. He had developed meningitis at two years old. He lost his legs and seventy percent of his hearing but he had survived. William had his struggles but he was a happy child. William first came to Tony originally as a medical foster but the birth parents decided it was easier to have another baby than it would be to have a crippled son. At first the doctors told Tony that William would face developmental delays and likely end up in a special needs school. William proved them wrong. After doing two years in a special pre-school for students with physical disabilities he was placed in a special needs kindergarten class by first grade he was in mainstream classes and by middle school he was taking all Advanced Placement. His only accommodations were seating and a special app on his school issued laptop that allowed him to follow lectures in time with the rest of his class. As opposed to having to rely on notes and lip reading. William rarely let his disabilities get in the way. The only thing keeping him from attending his former foster sister's graduation was a camping trip with his boy scout troop. At twelve William was already planning his Eagle Scout Project.

Tony never got over the loss of Tali. He carried his grief every day. As an old man he developed dementia. With William physically unable to tend to his father's needs. The Palmer's stepped up to care for Tony in his old age. Their greatest struggle was reminding Tony of Tali. For the most part they let him be and believe that William was his only child but sometimes he'd have a moment of clarity and need to talk about her. As the disease progressed Tony would talk about Tali and Ziva like they were still alive. Remembering from Victoria Mallard and later Ducky they knew better than to correct him. They just talked about her as if she were alive. Sometimes they would remember Tori as well. Really it was nice. Painful but nice.

It was pneumonia that took Tony down. He developed the infection during a harsh winter and could never recover. He fought as hard as he could but was simply not strong enough. The Palmer's had moved him to a nursing home the summer before. He suffered a bad fall and it was no longer in his best interest to be in their care. During his last day he dreamed of her last day. He was young and vibrant once again. He relived taking her to the hospital and being with her in the last hours. Once again her heart stopped. This time however it was his own heart giving out. This time he saw healthy Tali and Ziva with her whole body. They walked off together to be a family once again.

Jimmy and Breena went together. Just barely a month after Tony. Jimmy suffered a stroke driving home from a Sunday dinner at Eddie's house. The doctors said that Jimmy was gone before impact. Breena was found in the passenger seat mid scream with her hand on Jimmy's shoulder. It was later discovered she had survived the crash but died from her injuries shortly after realizing that her husband was gone. Like with Tony in their final moments they remembered their last day with Tori. They joined her as she was. Along with the unborn son Breena lost when Eddie was a year old.

 **A/N: I know the ending was weak but I kind of lost track of this story. Thanks to all who read, followed, favorited, and reviewed. Please leave one last review.**


End file.
